Life is Made of Small Moments Like This

Life happens so quickly these days that you never really realize how they affect you until you're already thousands of dollars deep in therapy and you're halfway through a bag of hot Cheetos and sativa. One of my best friends always tells me that life is just a series of teachable moments. Every situation and every person can teach us something on our path of becoming our greater selves. These moments change us and shape us in ways we couldn't even imagine.
Above & Beyond Common Ground 02/09/2018

One big moment that changed the trajectory of my life is when my mom told me my dad wasn't my dad. I was around 12 or 13 years old at the time, and we were just lying in bed at night talking. I don't even remember how it came up but she had something important to tell me, and I told her I knew already (though I don't know how I knew) and she told me. It's still incredibly painful to think about and I've blocked out a lot of the memories of the feelings I had about it because it was too much to bear. A few years ago, I found the paternity test results. Even though it wasn't news, it still shook me a bit and I cried over it. My dad knew the whole time, and still stuck around. I learned a lot about character, and true family, because of him. I wasn't the same person afterwards, but I'm better for it. I don't think I would have the depth or foresight into things as I do without the pain I've gone through.

Cheesy but it's how I live my life :)


Moving to Chicago when I was freshly 21 also changed a lot about me. I was deeply in love and hated working at the Starbucks I was working at. My boyfriend at the time couldn't pay for school and had to move home. He asked me to go with him and the impulsive person I am, happily said yes and ran away with him. I had never been 'on my own' like that before and while it was fun, it was a very dark time in my life. I had no reason to be out there but him, and we were so broke. His mom liked me well enough but I knew she felt like he could do better. We eventually broke up (which is it's own blog post...) and I had to come home. It sucked. My friends threw me a "We're Sorry Eric Broke Up With You" party and I felt really loved but it still hurt immensely. I didn't let go of the pain for a few years and lots of drugs. Despite all the bad, I'm glad I went and tried it and failed. Most people around here will never see west of Worcester so at least I have that.

My friend Kiara and I at the We're Sorry Eric Broke Up With You party 03/02/2013 We went to Shabu-Zen in Allston and had the best time.
A few years ago I had a pap smear come back abnormal and after several different tests and biopsies they were worried the abnormal pap would turn into cervical cancer. I had never been so scared in my life. It was a pretty shit year and this was the cherry on top of the shit sundae, as this was the year I lost my best friend to addiction and got my heart broken. Fighting the depression that came with all of that was such a struggle, and with a cancer scare I thought I was going to lose my mind. I was bitter and lonely and nothing could make me feel better. I had to get a surgery where they removed an inch of my cervix that was damaged, to test it. It came back clean. It was a level of relief off me I had never felt before in my life. Time takes it's time, but it always gets better.





Comments

  1. Prof. JeglinskiFebruary 12, 2018 at 2:35 PM

    Jess,

    Good post. This is always a heavy lesson, but you have a natural knack for ensuring that these dark spots in your life are framed by a resilience and a willingness to learn - and apply that knowledge. Life is not easy for most people, and everyone has unique challenges. Your post is full of true life, and you write about it masterfully.

    I like the three stories you wrote here. Each one presents a different challenge in your life, from finding out about your dad, to moving away, to having a cancer scare... all of these are big moments.

    It's refreshing to see how you can think back on them, now, with great maturity and even peace.

    I really like the first story - about your father. Most men would have left if something like that came up, so this father figure seems like a truly good person. That must have been hard for him as well. But he stuck around. And so did you.

    I like your little introduction paragraph. It presents the theme well and you begin to offer the reader some of your insight - the purpose of your post. Your images are fun and inspirational. Well placed. Well paced.

    This is excellent work. Although you write about tough times, you have a natural way of making these posts seem fun to write. I like the humor - it's a good balance to the heavy. And when you seal up each paragraph with positive reflection, you move further on, stronger.

    Amazing stories. Truly unique. Courageous.

    GR: 98

    ReplyDelete

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